Ego and The Argument!

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How many times have you sat with friends pouring out the details of another upset with their boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, child, parent or friend?

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Anxiety, Frustration, Tension, a Boiling over of Feelings, or Inflamed Emotions;

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How many arguments, disagreements, inflamed discussions have you participated in, even with someone you Love? Where does that come from? You Love that person!

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Whose fault is it? Did your friend or partner do something to you or say something “wrong.” Why it must be their fault! But wait, both of you are saying “it must be their fault..!”

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How many ways can you say EGO?

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Any encounter with another person or other people will always include at least two very unique, creative, spontaneous, personalities who enjoyed very different life experiences and environments in growing up to this very moment.

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Some of the most inflammatory of relationships are possibly also some of the most passionate relationships. In the same manner, a subdued type of relationship might exhibit the least amount of visible enthusiasm. This of course is a generalization as we all can create any variation of interpersonal relations and ultimately have exactly the type of relationship we intend, which will of course be aligned with the lessons we chose in this incarnation (remember “Karma..” There’s no hiding). Some people like wild and crazy relationships while others prefer a more even disposition in a life partner. You can even see cultural variations in relationship styles. There are so many flavors of relationships! No two are alike. Divinely, good old Mother Nature at it again.

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What ever attracts us to someone in a relationship (chemistry, history, characteristics, knowledge, beliefs), it is important to realize the unique extension we all are from the same origin of our beyond celestial birth.

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Now back to “whose fault it is..?”

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Let’s start with “it is no one’s fault.” It always takes two to tango.

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It is normal for people to have different understandings of the same situation. As in a previous Blog post “You Are the Creator,” I noted that it is not always necessary to understand your partner, child, parent or friend. It just doesn’t always happen and might drive you completely mad over days, months or years working at such a feat.

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The problem arises when two people are completely attached only to their perspective on a specific issue up for discussion. You will most always be looking at a situation that has so many different perspectives while two individuals are stuck on one perspective each. This is especially true for those two people considered to be strong minded or strong willed people and even in a scenario where one person appears strong and the other appears more mild.

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A definition of “Strong People” might be = Bright, energetic, people who can be great leaders due to learned knowledge, life skills, experience and behaviors in this life time that have created personally fixed ideas about who they are, how they see the world and know what they want and what they don’t want.

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Still looking like a lot of human Ego and attachment, right.

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There are other times when one person in a relationship has not been true to themselves. Though not intentional and from a subconscious place of trying to please their partner, over time their own needs and actions are not being met and addressed thereby resulting in a feeling of loss of power. This can create a defensive or eventually attacking posture, again from that place of Ego.

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With these scenarios, what commonly occurs when a conflict arises is that each person is sure that they are “right” and wants to make certain that their rightness is fully understood. Hopefully this Right(eousness) is presented without the need for a verbal sledge hammer on top on someone’s head.

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Now this is what it might look like. You might have two gladiators clad in full armor, twin swords in hand battling to protect and defend their honor, beliefs and rightness while remaining the last one standing king/queen on the mountain top (of nowhere). Or one may be clad in armor and the other erecting an impenetrable wall while lobbing an occasional stone. In both cases, there can be lots of combative activities, with no one really standing on any hill at the end of the day. It is a futile and a waste effort, energy and time. Still not resolution.

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But I thought I just said “pass the peas!”

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In an effort to meet everyone equally in every situation, especially those we love dearest, it is time to consciously and intentionally, surgically remove one’s Ego ideally at all times but especially when there is disagreement.

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In reality, Most important is that every word, thought and action come from a place of love, friendship, caring and the desire to unite with and understand your partner, family or friend on that level where we all meet beyond the physical, beyond life in this incarnation as we know it. To share and express ourselves from that place where there is no boundary between you and I.

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Then without ego, labels or judgement be able to lovingly express how you feel. Allow your partner/family/friend to express themselves fully and clearly in the same way and with the same respect. Each person needs to be able to place all their thoughts and feelings on the table before one another. No attacking, no defending. Just to be heard. In this way one can express what is true for themselves without feeling like they are being controlled or even subconsciously trying to control each other. No one really wants to feel threatened, controlled or be controlling.*When we think, feel, speak and act from our personal truth without Ego, from our connection from and within that Energy that is Everything, we can only be coming from a place of love and understanding. That is how we can be present in a great relationship between two people who don’t always agree on everything.

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Once everyone is heard, solutions, resolutions and choices can be made still from each person place of truth with love and understanding.

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No right or wrong. Just truth.

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We humans do have magnificent Egos. We just don’t need to let them get in our way, especially in important relationships.

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If you are having trouble releasing Ego and being in touch with your personal truth from that place of your origin, close your eyes, even in the middle of disagreement or discord. Close your eyes, take a breath, allow yourself expression to come from your connection to Divine Source (God as you know her). Express yourself from a place of love, caring, compassion and harmony.

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It is not only normal that we have different opinions from others but it is in fact a part of what makes life such a great adventure. That’s why we are all so interesting!

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It has been said that if two people in a relationship always agree on everything, then one of them isn’t necessary.”

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Live Life’s Joy!

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Dr. Robin L. Futoran

drfutoran@inspirednmotivated.com

http://www.inspirednmotivated.com

 

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