SRSonyA712.13_17433aHallofLegions_TMRECOVERY 5.0

Does The Quality Of Your Day Rest Upon Some-Thing Else Or Someone Else…?

With all the advances in technology, medicine, healthcare and tools to make life more enjoyable and easier;
Substance Abuse is presenting on a large scale increase and at the forefront of the daily news.

In My Work With People In Addiction..

The Reality Is That Pretty Close To Everyone Has Some Kind Of Addiction!

More Often Than Not (I hope) Some Form Of Socially acceptable Addiction, 
If it has to be an addiction at all.

Until Brought To Light By Oneself Or Someone Else, Addictions Are Unconscious.

And That’s Why You Might Be Sitting There Protesting To Yourself, 
“I Have No Addiction!”
Read On, If You Dare…,

It Might Even Be An Addiction Of Denial Or Some Other Seemingly Functional Limiting “Thought;” 
(A frequently utilized “thought addiction” that interferes with experiencing the highest quality of living).

Along with the typical substance abuse we think of as Addiction,
There are many “thought addictions”:
Chronically Thinking negatively, being in anger, resentment, sadness, unusually happy, arrogance, and other habitual thinking that harms one self or others and interferes with one’s ability to work effectively, be in healthy relationships (a pattern of unhealthy communication), and take care of oneself (negatively impacting ego based thoughts/behaviors…).

So What Constitutes An Addiction Even When The Activity Might Be Considered A Healthy One?

A Strong or Harmful Need (A Compulsive Habit), To Regularly Have Something, Do Something Or Think Something;
Whether Biological, Physiological Or Psychological, A State Of Being Enslaved To A Habit, Practice, Way Of Being Or Thinking That Becomes Compulsive And Interferes With Ordinary Life Responsibilities, Such As Work, Relationships, Or Health,
And Continues Despite Adverse Effects.

Any Addiction can eventually cause a financial loss, relationship loss, a loss of health and can even lead to death.

But At Minimum, some part of one’s life suffers due to the compulsive need to “Have Something, Do Something or Think Something” In Order To Feel Good.

“We are all addicted and all recovered simultaneously. Finger pointing is never acceptable.” Ram Dass

It is my belief that all addiction at its root, is a “Love Addiction.”
That the underlying basis for all addiction is a desire to feel loved.

On the outside, it may seem an attempt to simply “Feel Good,” “Avoid Feeling Some Type of Pain,” or To Be “Numb To The World.”
But lying deeply to these feelings I believe are all attempts to feel loved.

“Might As Well Face It You’re Addicted To Love…” R. Palmer..

This addiction to love that manifests in hundreds of ways begins when we are small children and regardless of how we were raised.

No matter how much or how little love we are surrounded with, 
In our early attempts at understanding the new world as a baby and child,
We all create our own, unique perspective, our own meaning to every word, every image, each sound and action that presents in life,

From day one; We Create Our Own Meaning, Our Own Version Of Reality.

Besides; It Is Impossible For Any One Human Being To Be Present, Attentive, And Show Enough Love And Caring, Even If It Were 48 Hours A Day;
That Could Satisfy Another Human Being’s “Feeling” Of A Need For Love, Attention and Care. 
Besides, We Would Never Grow, Mature And Become Our Unique Independent Healthy Selves…

No matter how much a person is loved by another, by many, by hundreds or even thousands,

It will not necessarily translate to “Feeling Loved or Fulfilled.”

At different times in our lives and to varying degrees, everyone experiences a deep and most often unconscious feeling,
Of Being Alone, Of Not Being Loved, Or Not Being Loved Enough (Never Enough).

We All Experience At Times, The Feeling That There Is A Little Hole In Our Chest Near Our Hearts. Everyone!
This happens when we are not filling “Ourselves” with Love.
At times it might feel like a large black hole in space,
And other times just a small awareness.

In reality we are always completely filled but We Don’t Notice It, 

The “Desire for Love” becoming a “Love Addiction” comes when we attempt to fill that love space with things outside ourselves.
We always have the ability to fill that empty feeling ourselves.
Some tools we can use include quieting our minds with tools like mindfulness meditation, mantras, affirmations, simply getting quiet, being grateful, forgiving, being in service to others, using coaches or therapists, being physically active, being in nature, practicing breathing exercises…

But most often what do we do when we are having that feeling in our heart or mind?

Most People Will Take Actions Outside Themselves That Make Them Feel Good. To try and fill that empty feeling.

Some of the more common and obvious feel good actions that can lead quickly to addiction include:
Food, Alcohol, Drugs, Sex, and Gambling.

Lesser thought of addictions, some of which are socially acceptable include:
Love, approval seeking, shopping, attention seeking, fame, crafting, working (workaholic), facebooking, theft, reading, video games, electronics, watching television, cooking, cleaning, crossword puzzles, exercise, athletic performance, codependency…

Then there are others that most people don’t think of as addictions. These can be compulsive, unconscious and interfere with a healthy, happy, productive life in the same way drugs, food and alcohol can.
They can all distract us from our pain or lack of feeling loved.
These include chronic and most often uncontrollable:

Negative thinking, being sad, procrastination, being overly happy, self deprecation, looking the other way, isolating, not being able to be alone, sleeping, cooking, not expressing your truth, cleaning, video games, joyfully living in misery, being controlling, “Avoiding Being Completely In The Present Moment,”

While most of these are simply normal healthy ways of thinking or feeling;

If they are presenting compulsively as a means to Avoid, Feel Good, to Control, Feel Loved, to Numb Ourselves From Pain, and Interfere with the quality of life, taking up time better spent doing other things (Procrastination..), they may be in the realm of addictive behavior.

Is it an attempt to Avoid the present moment?
Is it an attempt to be filled up from the things on the outside?

Does the quality of your day rest on something else, or someone else?
By some particular action of others, by ingesting or using a substance, compulsively doing some task, or by having a particular feeling?

The Reality Is:
Nothing On The Outside Is Going To Fill That Inner Need Of Love, Peace, Harmony And Joy;

Not a thing, not a substance, not a relationship, not avoiding the truth, and avoiding feelings.

Not uncommonly, people with one addiction also have other compulsive behaviors.

Typically in recovery, when one addiction is removed, 
They find it was only the first layer or first issue brought to consciousness;

Then The Addiction Re-focuses Elsewhere;
An addiction to alcohol may turn to shopping or eating or…
A drug addiction may turn to a different drug, one that they’re “not addicted to.” Or refocus on serial relationships, sex or exercise.

Once the new addiction is realized and better sooner than later, recovery can begin in that area.
Most people in 12 step programs are or have been in many different programs or even simultaneously on an endless trail of recovery… 
Thank The Stars For 12 Step Programs!

Addiction Is Fed By Our Egos.

Compulsively feeding the mind and body substances or being soothed by the behaviors of others,
Can only “Temporarily Change” the way the body and mind feel or think.
Veeeeery Temporary…

But the problem is, It Will Never Be Enough, And Will Never Last Long Enough.
Eventually, a Subconscious relentless Craving can develop.

The body and mind will strongly crave not feeling the pain, or feeling the pleasure.

But It Will Never Be Enough, And Will Never Last Long Enough.

Because it is coming from the outside it can only effect the body and mind which will always be trying to re-acclimate to its normal state whatever that might be.


Inner Self, the Spirit, and the Heart Are Not Being Filled.

All addictions lead back to trying to fill a hole in the “Feeling Loved Center.”

The Love Center can only be truly filled from within Ourselves.

So when the all the obvious layers of addiction have been stripped down to their deepest level and seemingly under control;
The underlying core issue of filling an empty space inside is revealed.

Addiction Is An Attempt To Feel Loved, Lovable, Loving, Cared For…
Wanting To Feel Love That Can Only Be Filled From The Inside…

The Good News Is;
We Already Have What We Need To Fill That Space.
We already have what we need to feel completely loved and fulfilled at the deepest level!

Humans Are All Driven By A Desire To Be Filled With The Feeling Of Being Loved.

Often though, rather than being “conscious” of wanting to feel loved, 
People are instead “unconsciously” trying to “avoid feelings” they don’t like;
Trying to avoid not feeling good and placing an outside reason on that feeling.
If they place an outside reason on not feeling good, that must mean there is something outside that can make them feel better…

And while we have the ability to feel loved in every moment, we just don’t always live in that practice.

Which often leads to people thinking that they are supposed to “Always” feel good!

Reality Check:


In life, sometimes we feel good and sometimes we don’t feel good, 
And if we are truly feeling, there are thousands of the other feelings in between!
We are supposed to feel.

Some people Unconsciously or consciously attempt to maintain a perpetual, happy, joyful, elated, fun, excited, emotional state.

The Problem Is; 
That’s Not Balance. It’s not normal or real.
Maybe you’ve been watching too many movies…

Living is about feeling “All The Emotions.”
Living Is About Having Balance.

Now that’s not to say we can’t experience a greater degree of feeling good than not feeling good.
That’s worth the effort.
But by creating joy from within, not by trying to feed ours body or mind with things from the outside…

Our Body, Mind and Spirit will always automatically move towards balance.
There will always be all of the emotions.
Even if we try to avoid them.

Ultimately trying to avoid feelings through addictive behaviors are useless.
The body and mind will always move towards balance.
Rebound, Roller Coaster, and Balance. Rebound, Roller Coaster, and Balance.
Possibly illness and death.
It’s just not worth it.

If we are fully living life;
There will always be Challenges. Ups And Downs.
Thank god! That is Normal. That is how we experience and learn;
That’s Living.

It is not possible to maintain an overly elated physical, emotional and spiritual place (with the exception of a few who walk on water…).
No matter what we feed our bodies and minds. It is not possible to maintain “The Continuous High.”


We are constantly growing into tools and ways of being that reduce the negative effects of life challenges on our hearts, emotions and spirit.

Ideally we have a regular physical, emotional and spiritual practice that embraces challenges as a normal part of our process, because they are.

It’s Okay To Have Ups And Downs.
It’s Okay To Not Be In A Endless State Of Bliss.

The most spiritual of leaders, past and present have had the exact same challenges and struggles.
The difference is in what they have learned and practiced, allowing them to feel More Peace And Calmness through the process.

Life difficulties are part of learning, maturing and experiencing life.

Be aware of compulsive behaviors and addictions.
Get help with them.

Have mind body practices that better align you with your truth and ground you; 
Meditate, Exercise, Stretch, Eat Healthfully, Practice Qigong, Yoga, Breathing.
Be kind, compassionate, caring, loving, authentic, grateful, sincere..
These are all tools that balance our physical, emotional, and spiritual life. 
They aid in keeping that inner love space filled.

Learn More Acceptance (of life’s challenges) and Less Attachment to outcome and less attachment to “stuff” in the outside world.

Practice Keeping Your Inner Self and Outside Self Aligned As One In The Same.

Maintain a spiritual practice, meditate, exercise, eat healthfully,

Life Is For Living.